Personal Development - The Life Uncommon by Nacie Carson - Personal Development for a New Generation » Confidence

The Judgment Free Zone

Nacie Carson — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:54:12 +0000

I have something important to tell you. Come close to your computer screen, tell the kids to be quiet for a second, and pay close attention.

Are you ready? Here it is:

If you realized how little time other people spent judging you – even thinking about you – you’d be shocked.

We all walk around feeling so self conscious, like we are being watched every second. Think about it – if you trip a little on the street, what’s the first thing you do when you right your balance: you check to see who might have seen you do that. You feel instantaneous embarrassment and try to “play it cool.”

But have you ever really stopped to wonder who gives a flying squirrel you – a stranger to them – had a misstep?

The answer is no one.

We are the center of our own worlds. I don’t mean that in a narcissistic way – it’s just a fact. You are the one person you are going to be with every second of every day for your entire life. You can’t escape being the focus of most of your attention because you’re always there. Sure, you can be thinking about other people, focused on projects outside of yourself, love and care for people and make them the emotional center of your world.

But the truth is you will always be the star of the show that is your life – just like everyone else. There may be co-stars, supporting players, villains, and jokers, but you will always be the main player.

And there will always be the faceless chorus. The sea of humanity that ebbs and flows as a necessary but anonymous background to the story of your life.

There are thousands of people you see every week – in line at the coffee shop, on the train, walking the streets around you – that you don’t pay more than two microseconds of attention to. Have you ever realized to those people YOU are just a member of the faceless chorus?

They spend as much time thinking about you and judging you as you do of them. In other words, no time at all.

A few years ago I went on a cruise with some friends, and I remember sitting in the hot tub as the boat sailed away from the dock and telling my friend I was worried I would have a little too much fun and make a fool of myself in front of the other people.

This woman on the other side of the hot tub looked at me and said, “Why the hell do you care what anyone here thinks? Baby, I ain’t ever gonna see you again.“

To this day, anytime I start to feel paralyzed from the fear of what others will think of me, I remember her saying that. Remembering that phrase has helped me walk up to new people and make friends, start conversations with fascinating people and celebrities, and be out on the dance floor on every occasion possible, regardless of how many people were dancing or if I looked like a total goon.

Moral of the story, my dear Uncommoners – Life is Short. Don’t Let The Fear of What The Faceless Chorus Thinks Of You Keep You From Living It Up, Singing Along, Dancing Your Heart Out, Or Walking Down The Street With A Smile On Your Face.

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

The Power of Organization

Nacie Carson — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:50:48 +0000

Would you consider yourself organized?

I don’t consider myself organized – well, at least not inherently. I have to work hard to find a place for everything and keep everything in its place. But what I find is that when I *do* focus on organization, other elements in my life – from my daily routine to my thought process and creativity – become much smoother.

I know that I am most productive when I feel I am organized – when the kitchen is clean, the laundry is folded, and the linen closet has some rhyme and reason to how things are arranged on the shelves. I also know that I am not alone in this sentiment…studies have shown there is a direct correlation between being well organized and the amount you are able to accomplish/concentrate on.

But did you know that being well organized can not only help you be productive, but it might also help you live longer?

That’s right – keeping that junk drawer a little tidier can help you add years onto your Uncommon Life. Dr. Howard Friedman of the U.C. Riverside campus published a study in 2008 that concluded organized people live an average of two to four years longer than their disorganized counterparts.

The study also showed that organized people tend to have better health habits, take less risks, have more stable jobs and marriages, and achieve more than those who are less organized.

Wow. Who would have thought keeping your shoes lined up on their shelves could be so powerful?

Of course, you don’t want to go to the other end of the organization spectrum and become OCD…but I think most of us could use a little more organization in our lives – and this research may just be the impetus you need to tackle that scary cluttered attic.

I know it got me up and sorting – this weekend I de-cluttered and super-organized my closets, junk drawers, kitchen cabinets – you name it, I organized it.

The result? A Sunday night of sitting back, relaxed on my couch ready for True Blood/Mad Men knowing that everything has a place and everything is in it’s place. And I have to say, that feels pretty darn good.

What are your thoughts on the value of organization – is the study legit, or just a bunch of Bologna?

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

Keeping Up Appearances

Nacie Carson — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 13:48:07 +0000

Do you ever catch yourself trying to keep up appearances?

You know, when you actively want people to see you in a certain light that isn’t 100% accurate?

It can happen to the best of us – appearing put together, successful, in control, and like we have it all figured out is important because if other people think we are where we want to be, then that is almost the same as being where we want to be, right?

I Should Have a PhD in Keeping Up Appearances

I want to share with you something that is more than a little embarrassing and very personal: I have spent much of my life trying to just keep up appearances. In my family, I was the “smart artsy one” (my brother was “the cool jock”), and a lot of the time growing up I played that part even when it wasn’t entirely how I felt or what was really happening in my life. I was supposed to be the smart one, so I acted smart. I was supposed to be the deep one, so I acted deep. I was supposed to be responsible, put together, ‘on the right track,’ ‘going places,’ and ‘mature’ one – so I acted like that.

I’m not saying I wasn’t any or all of those things, I’m just saying that I often tried to appear like I was those things more than I actually felt inside. I was keeping up appearances – my parents, friends, teachers, and peers had bestowed me with this very favorable image, and I felt compelled to keep it up.

As I grew, the need to appear a certain way to other people continued to grow with me. Soon, I felt like there were a lot of people relying on me to have it all figured out, so I just kept appearing that way, even as I went through the trials and tribulations of adolescence. There were just a small few that I showed how I really felt to, and not even them all the time.

It wasn’t until the most recent stage of my life that I became aware of how much energy I spent trying to keep up appearances. And it suddenly occurred to me that all the time and energy I spent projecting this certain image could have been spent actually growing and developing myself to a point where it wouldn’t be just for appearances sake anymore – it would be reality.

The Nacie I appeared to be and the Nacie I really was had always been at odds in some ways – the perfect porcelain doll versus the real, imperfect girl – with the latter threatening to show through the perfect facade of the former at any moment. How much time and energy did I waste fighting this futile fight?

Why We Keep Up Appearances

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever told someone you were just fine when really you were freaking out about something? Have you ever inflated certain elements of your child’s report card when talking about it to your friends or other parents? Have you ever wanted people to see you as more successful, more exciting, more fabulous than you feel inside?

Why did you do that? Why do we do that?

In my analysis of the situation, I have come up with a few potential solutions. First, people don’t want to be seen as weak. Second, people don’t want people to look down on them. Yet the third reason is what has resonated with me the most:

The way others see us is just as important, if not more so, than the way we see ourselves.

The way other people see us acts like a mirror, and we want the best, most flattering image reflected back to us. This increases our sense of self-esteem and worth, and covers over those squidgy parts and rough edges we are self-conscious of or embarrassed by.

Being perceived as something great is like a drug – once you realize how easy it is to fudge the numbers a bit to get a positive response it is hard not to do it again. The more you do it (and the more people accept it), the more you not only want to do it but need to do it. You are crafting an image of yourself in the world’s eye, and need to make sure that at all costs people continue to see this better image – God forbid they should see who you really are underneath, then they would know you are just a human, imperfect and flawed!

Yet at some point – maybe not today, next week, or even next year – that facade will show a crack, and who you really are under all the appearances will step out into the harsh light of day. This is when most people have a melt down, a mid-life crisis, or start dating an 18 year old Brazilian underwear model named Jesus (Yes, I’m talking to you, Madonna!).

I say, let’s all take off the masks. Keep up appearances sap vital energy, resources, and time we could be spending improving our situations to make it so no masks are needed. Let’s embrace our flaws, our quirks, our weaknesses, and our personality oddities and use them to help us stand out from the crowd and make something special with our lives.

What do you think – do you catch yourself keeping up appearances? Please drop a comment and let me know I’m not alone here!

Maximizing The Internet

Nacie Carson — Tue, 04 May 2010 16:17:37 +0000

Last week’s article about how to optimize LinkedIn (from people who do) got me thinking a lot about connections, not only in the literal LinkedIn sense (your “friends” on the site are called connections), but in the more general sense.

The Life Uncommon started 2 years ago (its 2nd birthday is coming up in just a few weeks!) with a readership of under 10 people, all of which were my family and friends. It has grown over the years to what it is today thanks to one thing: connecting with other people.

After a few months of blogging, I reached out to Deb Ng and Jodee Redmond at Freelance Writing Jobs to timidly ask if I could write a guest post for their site. They not only agreed but have kept their arms open to me since. They were some of the first people I really connected with online, and their ongoing support and advice has helped me grow as a blogger and business woman (thanks, ladies!!!).

Their receptiveness gave me the confidence to reach out to other people who I admired and introduce myself. Connecting with others opened doors for me to widen my exposure through guest posts and interviews, as well as give other interesting people a chance to broaden their exposure as well through posts at The Life Uncommon. The more I reached out to other people, the more I found people reaching out to me – and soon I found my inbox full each day with people sending in those endearingly nervous “Hi Nacie, You don’t know me but I am a big fan of your site…” emails.

What I want to emphasize to you today is that while I’ve been focusing a lot on social media here lately, you need to think about the entire internet as a giant social media program. It is designed to connect people and share knowledge, skills, and perspectives – don’t be afraid to use it as such!

In the late 1990s, I joined a little site some of you may remember called GeoCities where I developed and maintained an X-Files fanfiction page (embarrassing, I know…). I adored working on that site (almost as much as I adored the X-Files), and what I loved most about it is the community it was a part of – not necessarily GeoCities, but the larger fanfiction community. There was a general sense of, “we all share a common passion, let’s support and connect and cross-pollinate wherever possible.”

Life happened and I lost touch with my site and working online for a few years, and when I returned to the online world in 2008 I found that the openness and willingness to connect that had so impressed me a decade before had become more guarded. While there were a few of the old guard left, most people seemed embarrass to put themselves out there or reach out to others. I am still unsure what changed, but I felt (and still sometimes) feel it.

I say to you, my friends and Uncommoners, I couldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t dare to connect authentically with people around me online. As the internet continues to grow and evolve, let’s remember it’s fundamental purpose: to connect ourselves with the wider world. As you grow your Uncommon Vocation and try to live an Uncommon Life, don’t be afraid to reach out to people – the worst they can do is ignore you, the best is you will make a friend, mentor, comrade, business colleague, or supporter for life.

As you go forth to reach out and connect, keep these points in mind:

Make attempts at contact authentic: don’t spam people or pitch them your site/product in the first email
If someone lists their email or has a contact form, don’t hesitate – they want you to get in touch!
If you are going to ask for something (like an opportunity to guest post), be sure to offer something in return
Be respectful and polite – in your first email, use proper grammar, sentence structure, etc
Be grateful for any and all response – nothing makes me want to say “yes” to something someone is asking for more than when they act like they are thankful for it.
Remember your own worth – some online giants (Tim Ferriss, Darren Rowse, even the lovely Deb Ng!) can seem intimidating to reach out to. Treat them with the respect they deserve but also with a confidence in who you are. Everyone respects confidence, even online superstars!

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

Are You Special?

Nacie Carson — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:10:10 +0000

Are you special? I’m not going to lie, I think I am. I think I deserve happiness, satisfaction, and work I love. And I don’t see anything wrong with that…

In my internet comings and goings this afternoon, I came across an article at PsychologyToday by Jen Kim entitled Mr. Rogers Lied to Us. As a “Mr. Rogers” kid, I was immediately intrigued by this title – what do you mean Mr. Rogers lied to me? Mr. Rogers doesn’t have a deceptive bone in his body!

The article, while very interesting and honest, ended up being another diatribe against those born between 1980 and 1995 – a generation snarkily dubbed “Generation Me” – and the sense of innate entitlement (I’m born therefore I deserve it).

Kim points out that this generation, of which I am a part, has been brainwashed beyond help by our parents and authority figures (including Mr. Rogers) all through our lives to think that we are somehow special just because we exist and therefore deserve everything we want handed to us on a silver platter. This mentality is “what’s wrong with today’s youth” (it’s always something, right?) and is ruining the American workforce because all of us Me-ers are willing to job hop and demand unreasonable things from our bosses and colleagues until we find the occupation that is 100% perfect for us.

If you read the article, which I hope you will, you will see that Kim portrays this last part as if it is the worst thing anyone can do. She points to the generations before who had to suffer at jobs they hated to make pittance as a model of responsibility and virtue. Our generation (she is a Me-er as well) is just entitled and spoiled to think we can find perfect happiness at work – why don’t we just put our heads down, shut up, and deal with the fact that people aren’t supposed to love their jobs?

Because life is too short. And furthermore, if we used people in past generations as models of what we should aspire to be then we wouldn’t have things like indoor plumbing and the internet, two examples of things I’m sure Kim and other Me-critics would argue are favorable enhancements on previous generation’s assets.

The way I see it, this sense of entitlement to work at things that are meaningful and “perfect” for you isn’t being spoiled, it’s being more evolved. If you think your grandpappy Jonas wouldn’t have traded his gold tooth for a chance to do what he loved instead of building that railroad then you are absolutely crazy. Previous generations of people have had to work at jobs they hated all their lives because their weren’t the opportunities to do otherwise.

Like I said in the first sentence, I do think I’m special, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I want to live a life that is full of all the wonderful things I feel like I deserve, and I think I deserve to get that. On one condition: as long as I am willing to put the effort in to achieve these things for myself.

Furthermore, not only do I think I’m special, but I think you’re special too. I am special, just like everyone else. Each human life, each individual, is something miraculous and special. Our personalities, life experiences, and perceptions make each one of us a unique and valuable entity on this earth that is innately special.

Why waste that specialness trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? We each need to use what makes us special to contribute something to the world not only through worthwhile vocations but also through being a self-actualized and fulfilled person. This is how humanity will move forward and continue to advance.

So do you think you’re special? If not, then reread yesterday’s post about business skills and identify what makes you different from those around you.

As far as I’m concerned, we’re all special. Maybe it’s because I’m entitled that I think that, or maybe it’s because I trust every word that comes out of Mr. Roger’s mouth. Either way, I don’t see it as being a bad thing – do you?

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

The Confidence Effect

Nacie Carson — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 20:38:29 +0000

There are some moments in life when you realize the amazing power confidence can have not only on yourself, but those around you…

The music was pumping, the disco lights were flashing, and the ball had just dropped in New York City on New Year’s Eve. My hips were unconsciously bouncing along to the music that was blaring from the bar’s speakers, and my head was nodding along to that catchy Lady Gaga song. I was dying to get out there and dance, but there was only one problem: the dance floor was totally empty.

But I could see I wasn’t the only one looking onto that empty, scary space with longing. Most of the other people at the bar were in exactly the same state as I – itching to get out and shake their money makers, but too afraid to be the first one.

Then “Shout” – that amazing 1960s tune – came over the speakers, and my heart lept. If there was ever a song to dance your heart out to, it would be that one. I had to do it. It was the New Year, after all, time to start being braver and live life to the fullest.

So with sweating palms, a pounding heart, and a dry mouth, I separated myself from the rest of my party and stepped out alone on the dance floor.

I was going to dance and have fun, no matter what anyone there thought. After all, these people were strangers, I was never going to see them again.

I felt every one’s eyes on me, watching me with curiosity, as I found adequate room in the center of the dance floor. My boyfriend and friends looked on with pseudo horror as I threw my arms up and started going crazy, singing along to the music.

There I was, in front of everyone, making a total fool of myself and getting really into the song. I could feel the color rise to my face with embarrassment as I really started to work it out (HEEEEYYY-EEEEYAAA!), bouncing around and waving my arms, (YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SHOUT!). I shut my eyes tight and just went with the music. I could feel a smile spread across my face – who cared if no one else was dancing? I love this song, and it is a song that needs to be danced too!

Then a funny thing happened. I opened my eyes to peak around at all those people who were watching me, and found that I was no longer alone on the dance floor. In fact, most of the bar had joined in, and everyone was letting loose, swinging their arms, and singing along. Everyone was smiling, everyone was rocking out, and I was no longer the freak of the party.

The Confidence Effect

What happened that night is what I like to call the confidence effect. All you need is one person to be brave and do something before everyone also has the confidence to do it.

When we think of confidence, we tend to think of “self confidence,” and imagine it as a very personal thing. What we fail to often realize is that confidence ripples far beyond ourselves to those around us. When we are confident, we are silently giving others permission to be confident as well.

I must confess that too often I am not the brave one out there on the dance floor, but the one waiting on the sidelines for another brave soul to inspire me with their confidence. Yet what I learned from my New Year’s Eve experience with the confidence effect is that being confident doesn’t just empower myself, but those around me, and that is a truly incredible feeling.

And while I would like to say it isn’t as scary as it seems (it is!), I will say that the scariness soon fades away after you take the initial leap.

In each of our lives, it is important to know that when it comes to things we really and truly want – whether it is to quit our corporate job, write a symphony, or just dance to a good song – we need to confident enough to be leaders, not followers.

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

Year End Wrap Up: Reviewing 2009

Nacie Carson — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:34:52 +0000

Well, friends and Uncommoners, we have finally made it. Today marked the beginning of the final week of 2009. Another one is ready for the history books, which means it is time for us to start putting away the old year and preparing to welcome in the new one. In my mind, this is a three step process: Review of the old year, gratitude for the old year, and then looking ahead toward the new year. Today we are going to tackle the first step: reviewing 2009.

Reviewing the year that was is always one of my favorite parts of the year – there are few other moments in the calendar where you can truly appreciate the progress you have made in all areas of life. Many people see New Year’s as a time for resolutions and making promises to themselves. I’ve come to abhor resolutions for the simple fact that I think they emphasize the wrong things. When I hear someone speak of resolutions, they are always bad habits they want to correct or emotional behaviors they want to “get over.” They suggest that you’ve done wrong this past year, and maybe for many years past, and now you are going to “fix” yourself. With such a negative outlook no wonder no one sticks to their resolutions!

I prefer to scrap the idea of resolutions and substitute them with goals. I will not resolve to fix things that are past, but aspire to achieve positive and worthwhile goals in my future that will help me grow and develop and succeed. And I find reviewing what I’ve already accomplished essential to helping me decide what I want to positively work toward next year.

Over the years, I’ve found an effective year end review to include a focus on the big picture development – where were you this time last year versus where are you now – as well as an analysis of all the positive, forward moving things you’ve accomplished in detail. Typically, I get together and do a review with one of the most fabulous women in the world, AC Gaughen, and then in the quiet hours of New Year’s Eve do a more personal and solitary review. I encourage you to try and find a way to review your year in a way that is meaningful and effective for you – however, if you are at a loss for where to start you may follow my example to get the feel of it.

My Review of 2009

In looking back over the year that was, 2009, I am shocked by the amount of growth I feel I personally experienced. I spent some time this morning looking at my review post from last year, The Year That Was: 2008, and realized for the first time that 2008 wasn’t so much a year of emotional growth but physical growth. Many things about my physical world changed – I left a job, I lost weight, etc – but where I was in terms of my emotions and awareness of self stayed pretty constant. I was going through motions, literally, but the emotions hadn’t caught up yet. 2009 was a year of the internal catching up with the external, making me feel now at the end of this year that my physical and emotional selves are finally in tandem.

For me, 2009 brought things and opportunities into my life that I had only imagined in my wildest dreams. I’ve been blessed with a number of freelance clients who have not only allowed me to continue to be self employed but have also given me projects that thrill and inspire me. I’ve had the chance to meet and interview some amazing and notable people, including the wonderful Dr. Alejandro Junger, Carol Tuttle, and Craig Newmark, founder of craigslist. And I’ve been given opportunities to further my life’s work in personal development and take all my ambitions to the next level (but more on that in 2010…!).

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is this: You need to be able to ask for what you want with confidence. Sometimes, we don’t want to ask for what we want because we want to be polite, or easy, or go with the flow. We don’t ask for what we want because we are afraid of being laughed at, or scorned, or refused. We don’t ask for what we want because on some level we think it is stupid, or we are unworthy, or we are scared we might actually get it. But learning to be able to ask for what you want – to articulate it, with conviction and confidence – is a skill that must be learned if you ever hope to achieve anything.

Early this year, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted from others and even from myself. However, as soon as I started doing it, all sorts of magical things started happening. I realized the worst thing anybody could say to me was “no.” And then I would just ask again, until I got a “yes’ or I rephrased the question. Is the secret to getting what you want as simple as just asking for it? No, you need to be able to work hard to get it and follow through. But it is a major part of it that can’t be underestimated.

So the final verdict on 2009 for me? A very good year. Not always an easy year, not a year free from conflict or pain. But a very good year none the less.

If you care to share anything about how your 2009 was, I would love to hear about it and see the types of things you found important or lessons you learned. What are you happy about this year? How did you grow? Stay tuned for the second step toward the new year: giving gratitude!

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

Make It Happen

Nacie Carson — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:11:57 +0000

Friends and Uncommoners, how are you doing on working toward your Uncommon goals?

It is the start of a new week in the middle of one of the last months of the year. How close are you to achieving what you set out to do in January?

If you are like me, you’ve already been able to cross a few items off the list but are a little intimidated by the number of things you have yet to finish – or even start.

But today I want to share something very important with you…

It is never too late to start.

Let me say that again: it is never too late to start.

No matter what types of goals you have on your to-do list this year, whether they are big or small, you still have time to get them going. Forget about what you haven’t been doing all year, how overwhelmed you feel about what you have yet to do, and all the obstacles that stand in your way: none of that matters. The only thing that matters is what you can do right now, today, to begin accomplishing your dreams.

There are always 1 million reasons not to do something, or to put it off – we all know that. There are family responsibilities, major purchases to be made, debt to be repaid, dogs that get sick, children that need braces…the list can go on and on.

But there is only one reason to do something: because we only live one life, and this is your only shot at making it a good one.

I know there is something you have on that list that you can start working on today, whether it is eating better, getting out to get some exercise, researching your Uncommon Vocation, improving your work/life balance, or understanding yourself a little bit better. I know you can do it, and I know that you can make it happen.

Each one of you has an amazing power to drive the direction of your life, both in the day to day sense and the big picture sense. You can change a behavior right this very minute, just even a little bit, and see improvement.

You can make it happen, whatever “it” means to you. If you feel like you aren’t the most powerful person in your own life, then think again – you are. You decide your destiny, you walk your path, you choose whether today you feel happy or sad, good or bad.

So reclaim your power in your own life and make it your goal today to do something that moves you closer to whatever end you want to achieve. Remember what they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Don’t waste anymore time and take that step today!

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

Commit to Being a Success

Nacie Carson — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:26:14 +0000

Wherever you go, whatever you do, there is only one way to ensure you will achieve your goals: commit to being a success.

Committing to being a success means that you live in a mindset that does not accept failure. It means that you believe one hundred percent in your abilities. It means that you know that you hold your destiny in your hands, and you are brave enough to shape it in a way that inspires you. Each one of us can commit to being a success, and there are few more important things we can do to get where we want to go.

The basic principle behind the idea of committing to being a success is really confidence. We’ve talked about confidence before and its power in shaping your Uncommon Life, and it is my opinion that confidence is the key to achieving just about everything else we talk about here.

Like The Wealth Mindset, that works on the principle of “if you think you can be wealthy you will be wealthy,” committing to be a success means that you are reframing your perspective using confidence to start thinking consistently on an achievement frequency. However it also means that no matter what happens, no matter where life moves you, you will make the best of your situation and find a way to make positive outcomes.

This resiliance and dedication to success is more powerful than you think – in the words of our good friend Dr. Alejandro Junger, “Because once you really, really WANT to do something, who can stop you?” Once you really commit to being a success, who can stop you?

As with all things in an Uncommon Life, it is important to define the term success by your own standards. Success, like wealth, is something that is personal to you – what it means only you can answer. For some people, success may be something very specific (ie, “Success means having a book published,” or “finishing my degree,”), or something more intangible (ie, “Success means having a better relationship with my family,” or “being happier”).

Just as committing to being a success is based in confidence, it is also a confidence enhancer that can help you feel braver, be more proactive, and feel more confident in your ability to make your endeavors successful. The phrase, “I will not fail,” is a powerful contract with yourself that can motivate your actions and also start a trend of inertia that can lead you wonderful places you never thought you could go…

So how can you commit to being a success? It is easier than you think:

Respect Yourself: Sometimes this is easier said than done, for all of us. Respecting yourself means you treat yourself with respect: you don’t talk down to yourself (“Why am I so stupid?”), you aren’t cruel to yourself or your body (ie, maintaining toxic relationships, binge drinking), and you don’t waste your own time.

Review Your Strengths Frequently: Making a list of all the things you are good at doing, big and small, and then reviewing this list frequently can help build your confidence and make you feel more empowered. Making sure you are very aware of your strengths means you are aware of your unique powers, which can help you understand how you can undoubtedly achieve your goals.

Utilize Positive Self Talk: Talking yourself up, giving yourself a pep talk, and being conscious of using language that builds yourself up can work wonders on enhancing your confidence and helping you believe in your ability to succeed. For example, when you wake up in the morning, instead of saying “I…Have…To…Get…Up…,” try making your first thought, “It is going to be a wonderful day for me!” Sure, this will take some practice, but looking at your circumstances positively and also yourself positively can make a major difference in your success!

Don’t Get Bogged Down: Junk happens – it is true. Even for the most positive and successful people, sometimes things can go wrong. However, the way that positive and successful people maintain their inertia and continue on the achievement path is that they don’t get bogged down in disappointment. Whether it is something small like spilling your coffee all over your suit or something bigger like having your raise denied, Uncommoners don’t let these things ruin their day or their outlook – it is but one step on the journey, and the good news is another step is about to happen. Keep looking forward with your head high, and know that success and good fortune can come on the tails of all disappointments.

Remember, friends and Uncommoners, that you have a power and a strength within you to ride all types of tides, handle all situations, and make your life special and worthwhile regardless of anything. Life is 90% mental, and you are what you think. So commit to being a success no matter what life throws at you, and you will find that opportunity, happiness, and sense of confidence become more abundant almost instantly.

Here’s to your Uncommon Life,

Create a Happiness Reserve

Nacie Carson — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:09:23 +0000

Whether it is the economy, the weather, or the fact your cute little puppy left a cute little present on your living room rug, there is always something that is trying to get you down. It seems like bills, responsibilities, and stresses at home and at work all conspire to sap your energy and make you just want to throw up your hands in exasperation.

We all have these things pulling at our hems on a daily basis, but Uncommoners know there is one way to keep your spirits floating even through the little bumps and shakes of everyday life: creating a happiness reserve.

A happiness reserve is mental bag full of things that make you feel comforted, loved, supported, and joyful. These things are instantaneous reminders of what you have to be thankful for, and why you’re so proud of who you are. They are your front line offensive against the blues, and today, we’re going to talk about how you can make one of your very own.

The contents of your happiness reserve can be anything that has positive meaning to you – whether it is a memory from your wedding day, words of wisdom your father told you, or an image of your child’s smile. It can be a song that makes you turn into a karaoke star in the car, a movie that makes your heart swell, or the visualization of what your life will be like when you are in your Uncommon Vocation. Anything that brings lightness to your mind is perfect material.

To create your happiness reserve, just spend a few minutes right now thinking about what things you want to put into the reserve. You don’t have to “do” anything, you just have to explore the things that make you feel happy and mentally take note of them. Spend 10, 20, or if you have them 30 minutes identifying what these things are, and that’s really all you have to do. You have just created your happiness reserve!

Easy right?

The beauty of our brains is that once you create an association between two things, say for example your happiness reserve and the time your boyfriend brought you flowers at work, you have literally made a neural pathway in your brain, an actual physical roadway of sorts that now exists between those two thoughts. And the more you think about your happiness reserve and that moment in association, the stronger and more pronounced that pathway will become. Meaning if you practice associating the two things, the connection becomes more automatic, and its ability to pick you up if you’re feeling down becomes faster and more forceful.

What I think is fabulous is that each time I coach someone on how to create a happiness reserve, they always take the basic concept and really customize it in a way I never would have thought of to make it even stronger. Some people choose to write down associations that trigger these memories and post it near their work station or in their kitchen, some people make a picture of a happiness reserve item the background of their computer screen. Other have kept happiness reserve bags in their desk drawers with joyful memories and word written on pieces of paper they can pull out at random.

Whether it is just in your mind or a tangible reminder, work on developing your own happiness reserve to help keep your positivity, power, and ability to achieve going strong throughout life’s little road blocks. You’ll be amazed at where a light heart will get you!